so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
