But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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