If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
