her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
