Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
