So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
