none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There r osticjed everywhere
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
