I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
