Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
