i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
