alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
