do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
