lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
