Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
