I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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