I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's like iHOP with fire
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
