I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
