he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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