The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
