You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
