i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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