O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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