just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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