I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
