1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
