You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
