genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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