I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can I color on your dick again?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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