That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
