Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
