Dual....:-)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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