Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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