So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
