apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize