ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
