U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
