don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
