The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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