i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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