and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
