So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize