Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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