go do what you do best...puke behind churches
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
