I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
