If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
