The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
