He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
