You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
