Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
God, I missed his penis.
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