got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
