3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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