It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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