omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
