my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
