About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
