hell yes lets make some ravioli
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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