I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize