i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
