turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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