i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
