oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
