Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
