No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
