Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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